Dear friends, it's Tuesday the 30th of September and we start again, 9 more chemo's over the next 11 weeks then another c.t. scan. I can't believe it's only just over 3 months since that dreadful day when they said the cancer had returned, it feels like a year already! Any of you who have gone through something like this will understand.You have good days , you have bad days, you have days where you want to fight you have days when you don't want to bother anymore, but fight we must. So it was a slightly subdued Lainey that went back to the infusion suite to get hooked up today, the nurse asked her 'are you ok" Lainey said , "you know i really don't feel like doing this today'.Of course this is a totally normal reaction to starting another round of treatments, and she was told "something would really be wrong with her if she didn't feel this way from time to time.
I was very happy last week when we got the good c.t. results, Lainey "wants to be happy" but i think is still suffering from the shock of everything that's happened to her in the past 15+months.
This is what i/we hope, that she will improve some more from these treatments to the point that we can take a break in the early new year. I hope she can improve to where she can enjoy her life a little without constant fear.
We went to Stanford yesterday where they seem to fill in all the gaps for us information wise, they were encouraging and very pleased with the progress. the doctor said , realistically, 'hopefully after the next c.t. scan in January , we will have the luxury of discussing reducing the chemo treatments." That's going to be a big choice, if it diminishes the cancer to nothing, (which would in actual fact be fantastic) do we keep her on chemo to prevent it coming back, but live with the side effects or do we take a break and risk it coming back between 3 month c.t. scans? Not a great choice as either way impacts the quality of life or raises the risk factor. Well hopefully , as he said, we'll have the luxury of that dilemma. When i think that she was given 3-6 months to live w/o chemo 3 + months ago and here we are with a 50% reduction in tumor size i should be jumping through hoops. A real problem is sheer physical fatigue, and an emotional hammering for both of us, we just want to have a 'normal" life back. So my dear friends, i/we need you, we need you to raa raa us on, we need you to help us to have the strength and courage to keep on fighting and take back our life. We thank you for all your support, if you can please e-mail us or post on the blog words of encouragement.
love you all ,even those of you such as the friends we don't know in Colorado that apparently check in to see how we are doing, take care, and cherish the gift of life, love Keith and Lainey.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
A Really Happy Day
Good Morning Friends!
I know you want me to "cut to the chase" (remember Seinfeld?), so I 'll say that in layman terms, the tumors have shrunk by at least HALF . The medical terminology describing particular body parts use the terms "reduced in size", "normal in caliber", "no new lesions are seen", "there has been a decrease in size of some of the largest masses. The actual pathology report makes for good reading, but it's better if you're a doctor.
Anyhoo, my therapist had suggested that because my last CT was such a tragic shock that it would be expected that my trepidation of this last one would be very stress inducing - which it was.
Also, that once I received a Ct that was encouraging, likely my future CTs would become more a matter of course than a heart attack inducing experience. It is my goal to absorb what I've just been told and allow myself to be joyful over today's news. Joyful and move forward - full speed ahead. My goal is by January to have a further drastic reduction in size of the tumors. In the meantime, I have a life to live, and I have prayed so hard to be able to take part in the distribution of the new tract next month and to be able to actually take part in building the new Kingdom Hall in San Ramon. It feels real to me. One of our very good clients told me that I need to be able to see myself in future positive places and situations - and she asked me: do I see myself living or dying? I could answer her honestly - "definately living - I can see it".
You know that Keith does most of the posting for this "blog" but I have to say that not one thing someone does for or says to me that is encouraging goes unnoticed by me. I know it's hard to sit around here sometimes when you have busy lives, but it makes a difference in my life and I thank you so much for it.
I meant to say more, but I have a pill regimen and I have to keep on top of it. Keith's parents Hazel and Bob are arriving on Monday and I'm so looking forward to it being a time of healing and positivity. Please feel free to visit anytime, visit Hazel and Bob and Zoe looks forward to seeing people except she's been getting a little too excited and has started whizzing on our visitors ( don't wear your expensive shoes when you come over). We're working on it. And anyone who knows Keith knows that he is always happy to have visitors. I'm sorry I went on so much about myself instead of mentioning right away that his Ct scan came back clear, he has some health issues to contend with due mostly to stress but no cancer. We both need to readjust to changing circumstances and chill out a bit more and realize that while this system under Satan's control is allowed to carry on, we need to roll with the punches and rely on the only One who can explain it to us and help us deal with what we have to, until he says: Enough.
I know you want me to "cut to the chase" (remember Seinfeld?), so I 'll say that in layman terms, the tumors have shrunk by at least HALF . The medical terminology describing particular body parts use the terms "reduced in size", "normal in caliber", "no new lesions are seen", "there has been a decrease in size of some of the largest masses. The actual pathology report makes for good reading, but it's better if you're a doctor.
Anyhoo, my therapist had suggested that because my last CT was such a tragic shock that it would be expected that my trepidation of this last one would be very stress inducing - which it was.
Also, that once I received a Ct that was encouraging, likely my future CTs would become more a matter of course than a heart attack inducing experience. It is my goal to absorb what I've just been told and allow myself to be joyful over today's news. Joyful and move forward - full speed ahead. My goal is by January to have a further drastic reduction in size of the tumors. In the meantime, I have a life to live, and I have prayed so hard to be able to take part in the distribution of the new tract next month and to be able to actually take part in building the new Kingdom Hall in San Ramon. It feels real to me. One of our very good clients told me that I need to be able to see myself in future positive places and situations - and she asked me: do I see myself living or dying? I could answer her honestly - "definately living - I can see it".
You know that Keith does most of the posting for this "blog" but I have to say that not one thing someone does for or says to me that is encouraging goes unnoticed by me. I know it's hard to sit around here sometimes when you have busy lives, but it makes a difference in my life and I thank you so much for it.
I meant to say more, but I have a pill regimen and I have to keep on top of it. Keith's parents Hazel and Bob are arriving on Monday and I'm so looking forward to it being a time of healing and positivity. Please feel free to visit anytime, visit Hazel and Bob and Zoe looks forward to seeing people except she's been getting a little too excited and has started whizzing on our visitors ( don't wear your expensive shoes when you come over). We're working on it. And anyone who knows Keith knows that he is always happy to have visitors. I'm sorry I went on so much about myself instead of mentioning right away that his Ct scan came back clear, he has some health issues to contend with due mostly to stress but no cancer. We both need to readjust to changing circumstances and chill out a bit more and realize that while this system under Satan's control is allowed to carry on, we need to roll with the punches and rely on the only One who can explain it to us and help us deal with what we have to, until he says: Enough.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Twas the night before chemo
Hi everyone, or both of you, depending on how many people are reading this. Lainey is doing very well. She goes in for chemo tomorrow. She has the very important c.t. scan on Monday the 22nd. I am very encouraged by her improving energy level, I pray to God the scan will cheer and not depress. As for me i went to the doctors, i too am scheduled for a c.t. scan on Monday, to be followed by an endoscopy and a colonoscopy. oh joy !!! Maybe after the scan i'll stop worrying about my health. I don't feel good but that's not surprising after 14 months of gut wrenching hell, where everything that was normal went away maybe never to return in this system.If your life is going good right now, cherish it, cause stuff can hit anyone any age and life aint the same. Someone said to me the other day, "you look different are you o.k.'? i said , no , how could i be o.k.? I am tired and sad, i adore the love of my life and the big c is trying to steal her from me, either quickly or slowly, if i didn't have a hope for us to be together in the new world, i don't know what i would do. Some may say when we pass away that " ends marriage' yes but Jehovah is going to satisfy the desires of every living creature, and my desire is, and always has been to be with Lainey, forever, so i pray , pray , pray that that will happen. As you can tell , i'm not as cheerful as usual, i'm just wearing out, but not giving up, hopefully this system will end before i run out of juice. Love to all , stay in the truth , there is no hope anywhere else, this is it, Love Keith.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Friday and she's doing great
Good morning friends, it's Friday , which is usually Elaine's worst day after chemo for side effects. She is doing the best i have seen her in weeks and it's so encouraging !!! I know Elaine is dreading the c.t. scan out of fear , but i am looking forward to it as i hope it shows a major improvement. Thank you Marika, Colin and Valerie who came to see her yesterday, and the beautiful e-mail Valerie. Thank you Anita, Lisa and Debbie Zim for your visits on Wedesday, and Debbie Zim for getting Lainey to go out in the garden.
Side note, i'm not doing so well physically, i'm in to see the doctor today, hoping to be told it's fatigue and stress, so although Lainey is the top priority , please say a little prayer for me , i need to stay strong and provide for my baby . Your support strengthens me as much as it does Elaine, a brother said to me last week , he didn't know how i was handling it, i said with the help from 3 places, friends, family and Jehovah, without these 3 ,i would be on my face, so thank you everyone for your invaluable support, love always Keith.
Side note, i'm not doing so well physically, i'm in to see the doctor today, hoping to be told it's fatigue and stress, so although Lainey is the top priority , please say a little prayer for me , i need to stay strong and provide for my baby . Your support strengthens me as much as it does Elaine, a brother said to me last week , he didn't know how i was handling it, i said with the help from 3 places, friends, family and Jehovah, without these 3 ,i would be on my face, so thank you everyone for your invaluable support, love always Keith.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Monday update
Hi everyone, Lainey went in for her work and pre chemo medical today, and the good news is last weeks ca 125 came back and it's 9, which is normal !!! We now anxiously await her c.t. scan in 2 weeks. If it shows the cancer in her Liver has shrunk , as i hope it will , we will be staying with this regimen, and hopefully knock it down for a good long time. As far as we know Elaine won't be able to stop having the chemo , as it would come right back, so she'll be living with it, but the emphasis is on LIVING. It's amazing what you'll settle for when the chips are down. Living with chemo is tough but it beats the alternative. She'll have her chemo tomorrow, please continue to pray for her.
Renee one of our clients gave Elaine some beautiful earrings today and told her to "celebrate life." Lainey cried, i cried and we almost swerved off the freeway !! Thank you Renee for your generosity and kind encouraging words ! So often we have opportunities to show kindness to others, a word, a deed, a smile , a hug. Don't let these opportunities pass you by, seize the day and show someone you care. Love to all Keith.
Renee one of our clients gave Elaine some beautiful earrings today and told her to "celebrate life." Lainey cried, i cried and we almost swerved off the freeway !! Thank you Renee for your generosity and kind encouraging words ! So often we have opportunities to show kindness to others, a word, a deed, a smile , a hug. Don't let these opportunities pass you by, seize the day and show someone you care. Love to all Keith.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Saturday thank you's
Hi everyone, it's Saturday and we are preparing for another chemo on Tuesday. Thanks for all the calls and e-mails, Gregory and Vanessa thanks for calling all the way from Florida, Alex , thank you for writing from Mexico,Theresa aka santa Theresa Florence for everything you do,Sam Christy, and the Oberlins for moving over to help our congregation. Thank you Jonathan and Clarissa for dinner, thank you Liz ,Marika , Lisa D and Anita, for coming every week , week in week out.Thank you again Debbie and Jenna for coming all the way from Texas to take care of my baby , and lastly a big THANK YOU to Mum and Dad, we look forward to seeing you at the end of the month, your love and support will inspire me to keep on keeping on, i/we love you so much.Again we have some of the greatest friends and family in the world, be kind, be forgiving and hug the one's you love, love Keith.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Ain't she purdy ?
Ain't she purdy , well i think so anyway. Obviously this is Keith posting. Lainey had her 6th chemo in 7 weeks yesterday, it went well and she is bearing up well today. Two more and then the very important c.t.scan. We are continuing to investigate Stanford as our new treatment center. It's further to go but major medical centers affiliated with teaching universities have the best doctors and staffs and associates. I want to assure Lainey gets the very best level of care. I am encouraged by how healthy she appears, a vast improvement over 6 weeks ago.
Very past due thank yous need to be said.
Debbie and Jenna, incredible love and generosity, Debbie you are a true friend for Lainey, 30 years later and still loyal !
Liz,Art , Syl, Theresa, Anita, Marika,Clarissa (and Lazer the dog ) Christina, thank you for all your help and love, especially you dear sisters who took Lainey to the city for her doctors.
I am plugging away, i'm tired and it's a struggle, so without your help i'd be a mess, i can't stress enough how grateful i am, i smile and joke but i'm hurting and you are helping , THANK YOU !
My mum and dad are coming back in 4 weeks , the cavalry is arriving, friends and family are incredible. In closing, love your mums ,dads, brothers , sisters, children, they are all precious and you never know how long you'll have them. Never go to bed without telling people you care about ,you love them.
Thanks for the e-mails ,
Love to all Keith
Very past due thank yous need to be said.
Debbie and Jenna, incredible love and generosity, Debbie you are a true friend for Lainey, 30 years later and still loyal !
Liz,Art , Syl, Theresa, Anita, Marika,Clarissa (and Lazer the dog ) Christina, thank you for all your help and love, especially you dear sisters who took Lainey to the city for her doctors.
I am plugging away, i'm tired and it's a struggle, so without your help i'd be a mess, i can't stress enough how grateful i am, i smile and joke but i'm hurting and you are helping , THANK YOU !
My mum and dad are coming back in 4 weeks , the cavalry is arriving, friends and family are incredible. In closing, love your mums ,dads, brothers , sisters, children, they are all precious and you never know how long you'll have them. Never go to bed without telling people you care about ,you love them.
Thanks for the e-mails ,
Love to all Keith
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